3 Months

I am 3 months into my transitioning. It's going well. I am happy to say that I like my hair better curly. I used to not care and, with a perm, just do wash-n-gos. No surprise my hair was so unhealthy for so many years (like 6. yikes!). I love my new growth and I can't wait until all the permed hair is gone. I actually straightened my hair on Monday (October 5) and it lasted me until now, but I got sick of it. I was sick of all the shedding and wrapping it nightly. I just sleep with my scarf over my pillow when I wear my hair curly (haha!). I am in the process of acquiring a satin pillowcase and a bonnet (haven't had one of those since middle school) but until then I have to deal with a satin scarf, head wrap, and a doo rag.

I am in no way mentally capable of doing a BC, so it will be a while for my hair to grow out. My hair has never been short, and I fear that I will not look right. Some people can rock short hair, other can't; I believe that I belong to the category that can't. So I will just mosey along with my 4a/4b curls sprouting, showing great defiance to my previously chemically assaulted hair. The difference is so paramount; something I have never noticed before. My hair grows REALLY fast, so much so that around a week or so after a perm it looks like I need another one, but it's been so long since I have had chemical free hair so I never had time to notice the difference.

It's funny how I begged my mother for perms for YEARS. I felt left out from all the other little black girls in my elementary school class who had what was considered "good hair" to me before my mind was opened. When I got to middle school I was surrounded by white and Asian people, so my mother finally gave in and compromised in letting me get a texture riser. It wasn't until I got to high school that my mother allowed me to "fit in" and get a perm. I instantly went from having BSL hair, to having shoulder length hair. I could have cared less how much damage and how much less length my hair had; all was fine if it was straight. I think it may have been the way my mother styled my hair. The white kids on the bus used to make fun of my hair calling it "doodoo braids" or "unicorn head", with my hair parted in 4-5 section and braided with barrettes, or with 1 braid in the front and 2 or 3 in the back. (I never realized how awesome being compared to a unicorn is :D hahaha) I never realized how much that hurt and changed me until now. I have decided to let go of all that self hatred and embrace who I am. Most importantly I have decided to love myself. It is a process: a VERY difficult process, with me being predisposed to be self-conscious and lacking self confidence. But I am working on it.

All in due time.